Conflicted Conservative

My mom bought me new bathing suits for our class trip to Redang. She's been meaning to do so ever since I wore my bikini (my one-piece bathing suits don't fit anymore) on the Sarawak trip. Not that she minded (she was the one who bought it) but she knows that I don't really feel so comfortable wearing it when I'm not with my family. It's different when your parents are with you somehow. She also knows that recently I've become a little more shy when it comes to showing certain parts of the body. I can hear some of you saying "bullsh*t" but you haven't seen how short Aina's (name changed to protect identity) skirts are. Even my tennis skirt wasn't that small. Don't get me wrong; I think it's great that she (with the better legs, by the way) has so much confidence - it's just that I don't have the guts for it myself. I've borrowed it before and I'm glad at the time I was with trusted guy friends i.e. Camel and Boy who always look out for me: Believe me, it's no fun once the mat rempits catch sight of you. Yeah, of course, certain clothes get you noticed - but it's never the kind of attention you want, especially if you're alone.

To be honest, I've actually got a weird notion of conservative but I guess it's still developing. I don't cover my hair but I freak out if I don't have a button for my baju kurung. I love the kebaya but never without a camisole. I like shorts but I think it's a crime to wear them in a shopping mall like you're at the beach. And I adore close-fitting tees but absolutely hate the kind of tops that your boobs spill out of. It's confusing, I know. Some people might think of me as an exhibitionist one minute, and an old-fashioned prude the next. Even I feel as though I can't really make up my mind which one I really am. You would think that I'd have myself all figured out by the age of 23. But you know, they say one never really stops growing.