Back To You (Or Me)

Lately I've been so focused on school and the kids that I've forgotten one very important thing: Myself. I'm not eating as much as I used to and I've lost a lost of weight. My days are filled with work and even my personal time for myself revolves around work. I used to read a lot at night but now the only reading I get at night is marking essays. And if it wasn't for the rugby team I probably wouldn't even get any fresh air.

But the worst part is that my dreams, my reasons for living, have taken a backseat. I haven't been able to work on my novel in months and I have no idea what's going to become of it. And where is that Master's degree? All this educating other people and sacrificing my own education with almost nobody being grateful for that sacrifice. Sometimes the things you want are actually the things you need. I'm young and unmarried and there's no better time for me to do my Masters than right now.

Thankfully, the fact that it's been more than a year of all this work means I'm that much closer to confirmation. We've already done our BTN and Kursus Induksi and we've been interviewed so now all we have to do is wait for the college to give the necessary information to KPM so we can get our certificates and pass them to school admin to process and wait for our confirmation. Bureaucracy is a beautiful thing, no?

That done, I can do my Masters full-time. I asked my principal and he told me to go ahead and apply for it. Once I'm accepted we can write to KPM for a green light. I'm getting him and my former lecturer to write the reference reports. I'm fortunate to have so many supporting me in this. My PK Koku supports me too but she was a bit sad when I told her I'm hoping to start my Masters at the end of this year. We work well together. She's also wondering where she's going to get another teacher for the rugby team.
I've applied online and prepared all the necessary documents and stuff. Just waiting for the references and then it's just a whole lot of prayers until I get some good news. My principal said it's usually easier for English teachers because English is a critical subject. Funny how not many people agree. You'd be surprised at the number of people who could still ask, "Why learn English? What's the point?" Worse still for Literature.

I'm really eager to go back to university. I know a candle is not dimmed by lighting another but for some strange reason I sometimes feel as if my brain is quickly turning to mush from a lack of mental stimulus. Thank God for all the arguments with my boyfriend - that's some serious intellectual challenge right there.

See babe? I told you you were good for me ^_^

The Big Walk Around JB

On the second day of Iskandar 10s Rugby Challenge, the boys didn't get to play. Since we had a lot of time to kill before watching the finals, we decided to take a good long walk and get some lunch.

It felt good to get some exercise and play with the camera, which I haven't done in ages. I haven't felt this much like a tourist since the Seven Sinners' trip to Sarawak.

Here are some pictures from the outing:

You can see more photos and keep track of our team at: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/group.php?gid=110292855689573

Out Of The Mouths Of Kids Who Up Till Recently Had Never Really Cared About Me

On a recent trip to JB:

"Takkan kitorang nak lari pi jalan-jalan kat JB, Miss. Kita kan One Pack! Kitorang sayang Miss. Mana boleh tinggalkan Miss... Kalau kitorang nak jalan-jalan nanti, mestilah kita bawa Miss sekali!"

"Miss, makan Miss. Miss dah makan? Miss tak makan ke?"

During daily training:

"Miss! Miss, nampak tak macam mana saya tackle dia tadi, Miss?"

"Miss, laju tak saya lari tadi, Miss?"

"Miss! Miss, saya dapat try, Miss!"

And what melts all fatigue at the end of the day:

"Thank you, Miss!"

I love my job.

In Loving Memory

My grandfather passed away a decade ago. I miss him more every single year. There were so many things I should have said and done but didn't. Worse still are the things I shouldn't have said and done but did. And as I continue to grow and learn I discover so much more that I wish I could share with him but I can't.

Listening to this song just made me feel... I don't know. I hate you, Mariah Carey.

"Bye Bye"

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

As a child there were them times
I didn't get it but you kept me in line
I didn't know why you didn't show up sometimes
On Sunday mornings, and I missed you
But I'm glad we talked through
All them grown folk things
Separation brings
You never let me know it
You never let it show because
You loved me and obviously
There's so much more left to say
If you were with me today face to face

[Chorus:]
I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
"I wish I could talk to you for awhile"
Miss you but I try not to cry
As time goes by
And it's true that you've reached a better place
Still I'd give the world to see your face
And I'm right here next to you
But it's like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye

(Bye Bye [3x])
Bye bye

And you never got the chance to see how good I've done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together

I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the Teddy Bear you gave to me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
You'd make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever

[Chorus]

(bye bye bye bye bye bye [3x])
Bye bye

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

[Chorus]

The Journey By Night

82. And We send down from the Qur'an that which is a healing and a mercy to those who believe (in Islamic Monotheism and act on it), and it increases the Zalimun (polytheists and wrong-doers) nothing but loss.

-Surah Al-Isra'

Two floors above me, there lives a lady who teaches people (mostly kids) to read the Quran. Recently I had the chance to talk to her and now she's also teaching me.

Well, if I'm going to tell my students to make learning a life-long thing, I'll have to lead by example. And it's been years since I had anyone guiding me in my Quran recitation.

Praise God, my recitation has not gone that far downhill. Anyway, she reminds me that one is never too old to learn and the most important thing is to never give up.
Allah SWT gives to whom He wills.

Wish me all the best

Baskin In The Robbins

Shared a brownie ala mode with Cikgu Jihan some weeks back after her meeting in Johor Jaya got cancelled. And last week, Athirah (one of this teacher's many pets) belanja me the same thing (with different flavours).

Life is good.

Some Kinda Local Sakura

Does anybody know what tree this is? It's long been a favourite of mine. Apparently, it's in season now and I've been having a personal O-Hanami at school (yes, we have plenty of them at my school). The kids like it, too.