Wedding Guide Asia

If you're wondering why I've been so quiet lately, it's because I'm now editor of www.weddingguideasia.com. You can continue reading my writings there ;-) Enjoy!

xoxo

my new toy

I just bought myself a new phone: SONY ERICSSON VIVAZ PRO. Life is good :-)

"Cikgu, kenapa Cikgu tak marah?"

Some kids have recently been making it obvious that they hate me. My name's been scribbled on the bathroom walls so often they might as well rename the facility. My car's been scratched with all sorts of beautiful patterns. And yet I haven't killed anyone yet. Those who know me well enough would be surprised at this. How can this be? How can I stay silent? I'm the super garang teacher. I'm their volcano. But why didn't I erupt? This is something only those who really know me need not ask. Since there are many not lucky enough to be under this category, I shall endeavour to explain with bits and pieces taken from a recent conversation with an anonymous student (I write this in Malay because you never know - the perpetrator might be reading this and I suspect he/she only understands Malay and far be it for me to deny him/her the satisfaction - or not - of seeing my response).

Cikgu, saya pun geram tengok. Kenapa Cikgu tak marah? Dalam kelas punya lah garang...

Cikgu nak marah siapa, sayang? Kita tak ada bukti. Lagipun tak ada gunanya marah, lagi baik kita bersabar. Kita ada agama, bukan macam orang tu. Kita percaya pada Tuhan kan?

Apa kena-mengenanya Cikgu?

Ye lah. Kalau kita percaya pada Tuhan, kita yakin Tuhan akan memberi semua orang balasan yang patut diterimanya. Kalau selama ni kita buat baik, Tuhan balas dengan yang baik. Kalau kita buat jahat, Tuhan balas dengan yang kurang baik. Allah Maha Besar. Tuhan tahu lah nak bagi apa kat kawan tu.

Betul Cikgu, tapi saya masih tak puas hati!

Kenapa pulak? Semua yang berlaku mesti ada sebab. Mungkin benda ni berlaku sebab Tuhan nak ingatkan kita sesuatu. Kalau banyak sangat yang kita kena fikir, banyak yang kita lupa. Manusia mana ada yang perfect. Mungkin Cikgu terlalu kasar dengan budak tu. Mungkin Cikgu cuai dengan keselamatan Cikgu sendiri. Mungkin sembahyang Cikgu belum cukup sempurna. Mungkin juga Cikgu lupa ada banyak lagi sebab Cikgu patut bersyukur. Nyawa insyaallah masih lagi panjang. Kereta dicalar alhamdulillah masih lagi boleh bergerak. Segala pencapaian Cikgu setakat ini masih laku. Tak dapat straight As pun tak ada juga yang gagal. Dapat juga degree, insyaallah akan diikuti master. Keluarga Cikgu tak pernah kaya tapi tak pernah miskin. Cikgu tak pernah lapar, sejuk, panas sampai betul-betul mati. Semua keperluan Cikgu ada. Kita anggap semua itu macam biasa tapi ramai juga orang yang keperluannya tidak dipenuhi. Susah mana pun, Cikgu tetap happy. Siapa tak dengki tengok orang yang nampaknya sentiasa gembira?

So Cikgu tak nak cuba cari orang tu?

Awak ingat dia nak mengaku? Biar je lah. Ingat je apa yang Cikgu cakap. Tuhan Maha Mengetahui. Tulisan dia boleh dipadam tapi dosa tangannya memfitnah orang lain tetap dicatat. Apapun, Cikgu sentiasa mencari kebaikan. Tengoklah; budak-budak yang selama ni tak pernah ambil kisah Cikgu semua tanya "Cikgu, Cikgu okay tak?" Tiba-tiba, ramai yang ambil berat - siap tolong padamkan tulisan kat bilik air lagi. Ada juga yang selama ni senyap, tiba-tiba berkawan dengan Cikgu. Dia kata, "Cikgu, saya tak faham. Cikgu punya lah baik tapi ada juga yang nak buat macam ni." Orang tu nak kata apapun, ada juga yang pandai menghargai jasa seorang guru. Semua ni, Cikgu anggap sebagai ujian dan ingatan. Budak tu hanya berjaya mengingatkan Cikgu bahawa Tuhan sentiasa menyayangi dan menguji umatNya. Dan kalau Tuhan menguji Cikgu, alhamdulillah, itu tanda Tuhan masih lagi sayang Cikgu. Yang penting, kita selalu ingat pada Tuhan.

Cikgu maafkan dia?

Kenapa pula tak maafkan? Semua orang buat silap. Kalau kita tak boleh nak maafkan orang, macam mana kita nak harapkan kemaafan orang lain bila kita sendiri buat silap? Lagi pun, kemaafan manusia tak seberapa di akhirat nanti - keampunan Tuhan yang lagi penting.

"Therefore be patient in spite of what they say, and celebrate the Praises of your Lord before sunrise and before sunset, and glorify Him (also) during night hours and at noon, that you may be satisfied." - Surah Ta Ha, Ayat 130.

Back To You (Or Me)

Lately I've been so focused on school and the kids that I've forgotten one very important thing: Myself. I'm not eating as much as I used to and I've lost a lost of weight. My days are filled with work and even my personal time for myself revolves around work. I used to read a lot at night but now the only reading I get at night is marking essays. And if it wasn't for the rugby team I probably wouldn't even get any fresh air.

But the worst part is that my dreams, my reasons for living, have taken a backseat. I haven't been able to work on my novel in months and I have no idea what's going to become of it. And where is that Master's degree? All this educating other people and sacrificing my own education with almost nobody being grateful for that sacrifice. Sometimes the things you want are actually the things you need. I'm young and unmarried and there's no better time for me to do my Masters than right now.

Thankfully, the fact that it's been more than a year of all this work means I'm that much closer to confirmation. We've already done our BTN and Kursus Induksi and we've been interviewed so now all we have to do is wait for the college to give the necessary information to KPM so we can get our certificates and pass them to school admin to process and wait for our confirmation. Bureaucracy is a beautiful thing, no?

That done, I can do my Masters full-time. I asked my principal and he told me to go ahead and apply for it. Once I'm accepted we can write to KPM for a green light. I'm getting him and my former lecturer to write the reference reports. I'm fortunate to have so many supporting me in this. My PK Koku supports me too but she was a bit sad when I told her I'm hoping to start my Masters at the end of this year. We work well together. She's also wondering where she's going to get another teacher for the rugby team.
I've applied online and prepared all the necessary documents and stuff. Just waiting for the references and then it's just a whole lot of prayers until I get some good news. My principal said it's usually easier for English teachers because English is a critical subject. Funny how not many people agree. You'd be surprised at the number of people who could still ask, "Why learn English? What's the point?" Worse still for Literature.

I'm really eager to go back to university. I know a candle is not dimmed by lighting another but for some strange reason I sometimes feel as if my brain is quickly turning to mush from a lack of mental stimulus. Thank God for all the arguments with my boyfriend - that's some serious intellectual challenge right there.

See babe? I told you you were good for me ^_^

The Big Walk Around JB

On the second day of Iskandar 10s Rugby Challenge, the boys didn't get to play. Since we had a lot of time to kill before watching the finals, we decided to take a good long walk and get some lunch.

It felt good to get some exercise and play with the camera, which I haven't done in ages. I haven't felt this much like a tourist since the Seven Sinners' trip to Sarawak.

Here are some pictures from the outing:

You can see more photos and keep track of our team at: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/group.php?gid=110292855689573

Out Of The Mouths Of Kids Who Up Till Recently Had Never Really Cared About Me

On a recent trip to JB:

"Takkan kitorang nak lari pi jalan-jalan kat JB, Miss. Kita kan One Pack! Kitorang sayang Miss. Mana boleh tinggalkan Miss... Kalau kitorang nak jalan-jalan nanti, mestilah kita bawa Miss sekali!"

"Miss, makan Miss. Miss dah makan? Miss tak makan ke?"

During daily training:

"Miss! Miss, nampak tak macam mana saya tackle dia tadi, Miss?"

"Miss, laju tak saya lari tadi, Miss?"

"Miss! Miss, saya dapat try, Miss!"

And what melts all fatigue at the end of the day:

"Thank you, Miss!"

I love my job.

In Loving Memory

My grandfather passed away a decade ago. I miss him more every single year. There were so many things I should have said and done but didn't. Worse still are the things I shouldn't have said and done but did. And as I continue to grow and learn I discover so much more that I wish I could share with him but I can't.

Listening to this song just made me feel... I don't know. I hate you, Mariah Carey.

"Bye Bye"

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

As a child there were them times
I didn't get it but you kept me in line
I didn't know why you didn't show up sometimes
On Sunday mornings, and I missed you
But I'm glad we talked through
All them grown folk things
Separation brings
You never let me know it
You never let it show because
You loved me and obviously
There's so much more left to say
If you were with me today face to face

[Chorus:]
I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
"I wish I could talk to you for awhile"
Miss you but I try not to cry
As time goes by
And it's true that you've reached a better place
Still I'd give the world to see your face
And I'm right here next to you
But it's like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye

(Bye Bye [3x])
Bye bye

And you never got the chance to see how good I've done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together

I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the Teddy Bear you gave to me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
You'd make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever

[Chorus]

(bye bye bye bye bye bye [3x])
Bye bye

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky 'cause we will never say bye

[Chorus]

The Journey By Night

82. And We send down from the Qur'an that which is a healing and a mercy to those who believe (in Islamic Monotheism and act on it), and it increases the Zalimun (polytheists and wrong-doers) nothing but loss.

-Surah Al-Isra'

Two floors above me, there lives a lady who teaches people (mostly kids) to read the Quran. Recently I had the chance to talk to her and now she's also teaching me.

Well, if I'm going to tell my students to make learning a life-long thing, I'll have to lead by example. And it's been years since I had anyone guiding me in my Quran recitation.

Praise God, my recitation has not gone that far downhill. Anyway, she reminds me that one is never too old to learn and the most important thing is to never give up.
Allah SWT gives to whom He wills.

Wish me all the best

Baskin In The Robbins

Shared a brownie ala mode with Cikgu Jihan some weeks back after her meeting in Johor Jaya got cancelled. And last week, Athirah (one of this teacher's many pets) belanja me the same thing (with different flavours).

Life is good.

Some Kinda Local Sakura

Does anybody know what tree this is? It's long been a favourite of mine. Apparently, it's in season now and I've been having a personal O-Hanami at school (yes, we have plenty of them at my school). The kids like it, too.

Bright Lights, Big City

This is my favourite part of the North-South Highway. See if you can't figure out exactly where this picture was taken. I love how the city peeks out at you as you come up over the hill and then when you're zooming down... Wow.

Praying With Papa

So pure of face, wouldn't you say?

My father is full of surprises. Among his latest was telling me that even with all my shortcomings, he considered me his anak soleh. Me. The daughter the family would complain about when he came home from work at the end of each day. The one who was such a nightmare way back in school that he was ashamed to meet my teachers. The one who made him use the rotan on a regular basis, and for which he would cry afterwards. The one who was always the life of the party - usually first one on and last one off the dance floor. The one who was always more comfortable being friends with boys than girls (granted this was never to a disturbing degree) and giving people the wrong idea. And a billion other things I hate myself for and would never list here. He knows all this, and still he considers me the filial daughter he has the highest hopes for. And he expects the best from one he considers the best.
As a child you want your parents to be proud of you for what you are. But this exceeds all my expectations. This is a title I had never even dared to dream of. I always thought I'd be Queen of Malaysia before anyone called me anak soleh.
This is the highest regard, Papa.
I'll try my best not to let you down.

An Interesting Story

The two girls were sitting side by side, one of them watching the other carefully adjust her hijab.
"You look nice, sister."
"Thank you. I have seen you in a hijab and you look nice too."
"I wish I could wear it like you, sister."
"Why can't you?"
"Because I am not like you. I am not perfect."
"Nobody is. Only God is perfect."
"You know what I mean."
"Talk to me."
"I take my religion seriously enough but I still worry that I may be unworthy of wearing the hijab as you do."
"How so?"
"Some people dishonour the hijab. They wear it but do not behave accordingly."
"But I know you, my sister. And you are not like them. You observe prayer, fast during the holy month of Ramadhan and read the Quran in your spare time."
"But you do more than I do in terms of religion."
The other one smiled. "What makes you so sure the little that you do is not accepted by God and the plenty that others do is accepted by God?"
"I still believe that only some people are worthy of the garment."
Now the other one laughed. "If that is how you feel, let me ask you this: What have you got to lose from being the kind of person you do deem worthy?"
Silence. "It would be a major change."
"But for the better. And once you have changed for the better, no one should have a problem with how you choose to present yourself. It is between you and God - and no one else."

Don't Let Me Fall

AF and family took me ice skating the other day... AH and Up taught me how, thank you very much. It was my first time and I am happy to report that I fell only once - cheers to my cousin Joey for letting me play with his rollerblades when I was younger; I think that really helped :-D

Hardly going fast enough to melt the ice

Tired but extremely happy

Catch You

The other day I was attacked by a baby gecko. It just popped out of nowhere. Luckily, the kids were around and I called for help. F saved me by catching the little monster. It was so cute - he was squatting under my bathroom sink, singing "I can catch you..."
Later, when we were all about to leave the house we spotted another baby gecko (probably its twin) and F caught this one, too.
I love these kids :-)

You Need A Friend For This

How to say "I don't know" on the count of three.

I'm Their Big Sister

The kids normally write their teachers' names on their exercise books. This one made me laugh out loud in the staffroom.
God bless this kid...

What Have You To Say Now?

http://www.quranclub.net/2010/01/prophet-muhammads-promise-to-christians.html